do you talk to your parents about sex?

When I was in high school, my dad sat me down to tell me that if I ever got pregnant, I should feel comfortable coming to him and my mom. I mumbled, "Okay," blushed intensely and immediately thought to myself, "Nice try dad. But if I ever get pregnant, I'll deal with it alone."

I knew my dad meant well and that he was doing what parents were supposed to by making himself available--but still, the thought of telling him something so intimate and personal just seemed utterly impossible.

I was thinking about this not too long ago as I was teaching a girls' health class. The topic of talking to parents about sex came up, and I was curious to hear what they had to say about the subject. Maybe in the intervening years, kids and parent had somehow bridged the communication gap?

From what I heard, that didn't seem to be the case.

Sure, some claimed that sex was a regular part of conversation at home, something they talked about over dinner, but a lot of others made gagging noises when they thought about bringing up the topic with the adults whose roof they lived under, and some hadn't really considered that talking to mom and dad about this stuff was an option.

Keeping in mind my own teenage reaction to my father’s attempts at conversation, I asked my class if there was anything their parents could do to make them more comfortable talking about sex. Some said "no" flat out, but a few others offered these suggestions:

• Don't just bring up the topic out of the blue. Make it seem normal to talk about sex.
• Don't bring up sex or puberty if anyone (including dad) is around. Make sure there is privacy.
• Don't act weird about it.

That didn't give me a ton to go on, but it did remind me that while those who oppose comprehensive sex ed often say this topic should be discussed at home, in a whole lot of cases it just isn't. So unless the sex ed opposers are able to tap into something in the parent child divide that I've been missing, then good sex education in schools seems as important as ever.

What do you think? Do you talk to your folks about sex? If not, why? If so, what makes you comfortable doing so?

Comments

[hypocrite]

Oddly ever since I can remember I knew just as much about sexuality as a girl of any given age should/wants to know. I can't remember ever not knowing where babies came from, for example... But I knew nothing about the details and endless variety untill I was actually interested on a personal level, too. (as in, I actually had a boyfriend and we, well... engaged in sexual activity.:)
So I guess my parents talked to me about these things, even though I can't remember having the stereotypical sex talk with either of them. I'm thankful they managed it this way... Sexual Education definitely wasn't a great help, maybe to understand the biological background, but it held nothing new for me otherwise.
I'm seventeen now and I don't really talk about sexuality with my parents, even though it's no taboo at home. C'mon, my folks were in their early twenties during the sixties, I don't feel like I can really shock them... My reason for not talking about my own sex life with them is that it's ...somewhat... intimate, and I don't consider it their business. I would feel too exposed, it's not like I tell them about my sorrows or great fears either. That's what friends are for...
Maybe some kids have a relationship with their parents that allows them to talk about these stuff, if so, I think that's awesome. It's hypocritical of me, but I hope my kids will be more open with me...

[Hollywood*]

I talk to my mom about everything... SEX is a very common easy topic.... she didnt know that i hadm had sex till a few years after but now she does. She even make jokes about me needing to get laid or asks if one friend of mine is friends with benifits. I think that teens should talk to there parents about sex, you dont have to tell them your having sex but its still good to talk about it.

[Sarah]

I am 15 years old and I think i'm pregnant i missed my period and everything. the last time i brought up sex with my mom she said she would have my bf murdered by a hitman from the cuban mafia(which she has connections to) kick me out of the house, disown me and never speak to me again if I got pregnant before 18. I am so scared, i dont even want to think wat my dad would do! if anyone has advice email me at sarah.crumlin@yahoo.com

[Nitisha]

Actually i dont talk to my parents about my sex life although i wish i could. It would be so much better if my mother thought i was waiting until i was married to have sex in reality i already started and don't plan on stoping

[claire]

I am not a virgin but my boyfriend was.
We had been going out for a while and even though we thought it was best to wait before we had sex I decided that I would get the implanon. (a small rod that gets inserted into your arm that stops you from getting pregnant for 3 years.)

A few days after I had decided to do this my dad randomly started talking to me about sex and how it was natrual and how if I was going to do it with my boyfriend I should go on the pill.

Although it was slightly embarassing it was good to know that my dad was being realistic and aware that I may be sexually active.

I told him that I wouldn't go on the pill because I would probably forget to take it and I told him that I was getting the implanon and he went and got the script filled and was happy to pay for it.

About a year ago my step mum found a condom in my room while doing the washing. She told me she thought I was a bit young to be having sex but if I was to make sure I was using condoms.But she also told me not to let dad know because she thought he would be very angry.
It is nice to know that my dad actually wouldnt be and that I can talk to him about things like that.

[mary<3]

I am 12 and I talk about all this stuff to my brother's gf (she's 14) and we talk about everything. she is like my sister; we actually call eachother our sisters but girls! if you have like a close cousin or brothers gf or someone like that, TALK TO THEM! trust me its waaaay easier than talking to ur parents. <3

[lORYN]

I am sexually active, and i thought it would be absolutly impossible to talk to my mom about it. Then i started having very irregular periods, like bleeding for 8 weeks at a time. This meant it was time to go to the gyno. My mom called them to make an appointment and they asked my mom if i was sexually active. She said no, so they told her to just take me to the pediatrician. I was then concerned that this was a problem too big for the pediatrician to handle so i decided it was time to come clean to my mom. Even though me and my mom are REALLY close, i found it hard to bring up the subject of sex. I called my sister who is 21, and she helped me plan what to say. I went to my mom and just told her that we needed to talk. She agreed, and i told her EVERYTHING! She wasnt mad; she just asked questions. It really wasnt that bad, and i felt a million times better after i did! It all worked out in the end. :)

[fruruba]

where do babies come from?

[liza]

honestlly noo i didnt have talk about it cous its so embaressed if im going to my mom she will be like :ur too young to know that stuf soo what should i do ?

[Jazzy]

I tried to talk about it with my mom.
One time I asked her what a blow job was,and she ran around thr room screaming and said"Your going to be a virgin forever!" 3 days later she gave me a promise ring. lmao

[Emma]

I never talk to my parents about sex, it just never comes up. When I first started my periods, I talked to my mum about them because I was quite young. I wish I could talk to my mum about it, DEFINATELY not my dad, it was embaressing enough when I got my first bra!

[Annabell]

HELL NAW!!!!!
♥
ya gurl
annabell

[xxxx]

Before I had Sex Ed. my mom thought I didn't know about sex or periods or anything, but I did... then after Sex Ed. she let me watch things that had sex or whatever... I was watching the Secret Life of the American Teenager and my dad (talking to my mom) says "They're talking about C-E-K on TV" (my 7 year old sister was there, otherwise he probably would of said 'sex') and my mom just nodded... so now she's like cool with it or somethin...idk... i dont think it would be weird just a little embarrasing and id be shy about it @ first lol

[melanie]

i have never talked to my mom about sex idk its just not something i wud say it is weird and akward my mom is a really up front person but i wudnt ask her or talk about that with her its weird she always tells me it normal but hell i dont say not a word about it to her.

[Allysa]

i dont bring it up at all and i feel so uncomfortable talking about it we never get in detail never has talk to dad about it big no no

[alexis:)]

Well how i see it my mom told
meh if im having sex i
should tell her
so she can get me on
birth pills so i wont have babies:P
well im scared cause if i tell
my mom i am she will lose
trust in me&&wont let me
go anywhere&& she will
get mad&&blow up about it
that why i feel so
un-comfortable about that
i will tell my best friend
because they wont blow
up or anything
i feel comfortable
telling them other than
that i wont tell anyone else:P
so u guys kinda agree with meh here?

[Claire :]]

Me And My Mum Always Get Round Onto The Confo Of Sex. We Talk So Open About it. BUT We Dont Go Into Detail.

[sandy]

idk how to masturbate,help me!

[Umm]

nope don't now and never did.

[Lauren]

No.... Because whenever I try to ask my parents about things like sex they always say I can't talk about this right now or something.... I am always thinking what if I get pregnant as a teenager I will blame it on my parents because they didn't talk to me about sex...

[anonymous]

its weird i'll be 16 in a month and next year i'll be living in another country for the whole year on foreign exchange and my parents have never talked to me about sex {but i guess that might be okay- one girls dad told her "i know youll be out of the country a whole year- use condoms"... awkward}... idk i know what it is-obviously... but i guess my parents found it too awkward a topic or just forgot... [i dont really talk to my parents much- well feeling-wise/ relatinships etc. because my mom will just get angry and start yelling...(she says the way i talk about how i feel is just complaining)] whatever...

[Michelle]

well unlike many others i have had sex before with a boy that told me he loved me && i fell for it...I haven't yet tld my mom about us && dont think i will for a long time buht.. she isn't a person i just would fav to tell about me being sexually active especially since im kinda young..

My father is the same as my mother we dont have a good connection either its not because we dont get along its just that they arent as open minded as other parents mite be my parents are real hard on me the say sex is something i should wait on_ wish i would have listened

[Michelle]

well unlike many others i have had sex before with a boy that told me he loved me && i fell for it...I haven't yet tld my mom about us && dont think i will for a long time buht.. she isn't a person i just would fav to tell about me being sexually active especially since im kinda young..

My father is the same as my mother we dont have a good connection either its not because we dont get along its just that they arent as open minded as other parents mite be my parents are real hard on me the say sex is something i should wait on_ wish i would have listened

[kim]

uhmm well i never talked about sex with my mom or dad or sister.
i dont think i want to. i feel weird lyk i wud jus wanna run out of the room! i dunno well im im 12 n im a virgin well thank god. haha i dont even kno how im gunna take it when my mom even starts talking bout sex.

[Emily]

I am gay and my mom sat me down one day and started asking me all sorts of questions about lesbians and sex. She asked me what I concidered sex and if I would ever biologically die a virgin. I told her that I plan to die with my cherry in place and that having an orgasm is what I consider to be sex between two guuurls. This makes me think that there are married couples who have never had sex before. But talking to my mom about sex wasn't awkward at all because I know she cares and wants what's best for me...except for the time she told me that she wanted me to still wait till I was married to have sex with a girl. I just smiled and nodded

[Maddie]

My mom has attempted a "sex talk" when she thought for some strange reason i was having sex at thirteen. Which i wasn't. But we never had a 'talk'. With my parents, it wasn't weird, because i didn't find the subject weird what with it being so prevalent in school and in the media. It's a natural part of life. Without sex our species would die out, so, i didn't see it as embarassing. With my parents, it's always been "No, im not having sex, i won't until im out of high school, probably, and if i do, i know how to use a condom, how to get birth control, and plan B if i think i need it." And thats enough for them. They just say "I wish you wouldn't, but if you do, be safe" Which i think is a much better method than saying "Absolutely not! You'll be grounded forever!", etc. So i thank my folks for that.

[charlotte]

I could never talk to my parents about sex. Possibly my sister, cause she lost her virginity at about 13 or 14, but not my mom. My dad? The thought makes my skin crawl with embarassment! But the thing is ... my mom never really said that i can talk to her. Like, she never sat me down and said "You know, you can talk to me about anything and i won't judge you." So until she says that, i couldn't possibly go to her. I'll ask my friends or look on the internet or something.

[rebecca]

i never really had the sex talk to my mom but she knew i was having sex and knew i was being safe but when i was 18 i got pregnant and my mom was mad for a little bit and then she finally came around and started talking to me about how did it happen and stuff and started talking more openly about sex but by then it was a little late and if my mom would of talked to me i think i might of gotten on birth control but now that i look back on it i wouldnt change how things worked out i have a wonderful son but i know when my son first starts showing intrest in girls im going to talk to him about it wether ir not he wants me to maybe i can help him with some of the things he doesnt learn from friends and his peers

[kim]

I've never actually had the sex talk with my parents. They just assumed at some point in my life that I knew about it. I'm pretty sure that I first heard about sex from TV shows, like 90210 or Dawson's Creek. Everything else I just got from books or friends. My parents never actually sat me down and talked to me about it. Even now at 17, I've never once talked about sex with them. I've never asked them about it and they've never brought it up with me, so we've never really had the need or the chance to talk about it.

[Fletcher]

My mom and I have always been really open when it comes to sex. We dont discuss intimate details by any means but in general we do and if there's anything that is questioned then we talk in over. She knows that I am sexually active but she also knows that the person im with I truelly care about, as he does me. Although I would recomend talking about sex before you actually have it, as I did. Im 17 and if there's anything to do with sex that i have a question with I have no problem talking to her about it.
~Fletcher

[Anthea Murphy]

I talk to my parents about EVERYTHING..... if I was planning on having sex they are the first people I would tell. I am very open with my parents we even joke around about sex. I am happy I have such good commucation with my parents I feel like I can go to them with any thing.

[kristin]

And she would find some way to make it even harder to see the one person i really care about and love the most.( not that shes not already strict enough.) I mean im lucky to see him for a whole day. I could NEVER talk to my mom about that!

[kristin]

If I EVER talked to my mom about sex she would immediately think I was doing it. No matter what I said,she would be convinced that I were doing it. I could NEVER be rational with her about it.

[Samantha]

Of course I talk to my rents about sex. they are gonna find out anyway. they dont totally approve...but at least they dont have to worry about me not being safe with it... my parents know my sex life just about as well as i do. if not(as creepy as it is) better. so yes i think its a good idea to talk to them..that way if anything happens at least they are a little prepared.

[CaitlynClair]

I never really had to talk to my parents about sex. i mean they never brought it up so i figured i was good but i just turned 15 and statred dating .... now im getting mixed singals form my mom like ive always choosen abstinence and thats just my chocie... but she makes it sounds like she thinks im having sex but im not but she doesnt know that becuase we have never really talked about it before i mean i can go to my mom about anything but talking about sex with her just feels like it crosses a line

[misz.mula [$$$$)]

i've talked too my family members about sex before. but my mom doesnt really stress the subject. i think she just thinks that i will never do it. untill im older. i would love too learn more about it. but its like a hard subject too brinq up for me. and dear qod if i ever ask my dad about sex i think ill qet my head chopped off. lmfao. just kiddinq. but i wish i was more closer to this subject with my parents. i bet there are some thinqs we can all qet out of just talkinq too our parents about sex before it happens. most teens start talkinq about sex once there already sexually active. thats not qood. you want too know all that youu can before youu become sexually active. anythinq that can help me would be qreat. = ]
Siqnedd;;
Misz.Mula [$$$$)

[Alex]

When my boyfriend and I started having sex, it was like i always felt guilty because my parents didnt know about it. I felt like i was sneaking behind their backs. So, my parents eventually found out what i was doing basically by the way i was acting i guess. Well, i went to his house one morning, and my dad had called my boyfriends' cell phone and home phone and wanted to talk to he and I. So, we had to drive back to my house, and we knew what it was really about, but we kept making up excuses of what else he might want to talk to us about. Well, we got there and my mother and father were sitting at the kitchen table and told us both to, "have a seat". So, i knew i was dead. Well, they started out by saying how they knew we loved eachother and that they wanted to make sure we were being responsible, and then if i would like to get birth control.
It ended up being really cool. And i was sweating it.
I really dont think theres any way to comfortably talk to your parents about having sex. It's just something you have to do.

[Carrie]

I never even knew that some people can't talk to their parents about sex. In Europe, where I come from, its just natural. People aren't that prude.

I talk to it to my mom sometimes, just casually.
She says that its my choice if I want to have it or not, its not her life. As long as I have safe sex, she couldn't care less. Surprisingly, my mom is a devout catholic. She says she will support me if i get pregnant, as long as I do not get an abortion, which I would never do anyways.

Just being open about this stuff has actually made me want to wait for the right person, and not go have sex with the first person I meet

[anne]

Talking to my parents would be hell. They would be assuming that I was havin sex and probably freak, another thing is if you talk to your parents them havin sex pops into your mind. To me that's akward. :/

[terry]

At first, I used to be afraid to even bring up the topic around my mom, as much as she would tell me I can always come to her with things like that.. I could never do it ... It was wierd even thinking about it .. but then one day my mom just casually brought it up in a conversation and I don't know what it was but it got me to open up to her about it .. and ever since, I'm able to tell my mom anything! I love talking to her, I never realized how great of a listener and advise giver she is.. [=

[Luna]

LOL, my dad talked to me about sex. in fact, he was the one who gave me the whole sex ed and that was pretty cool because he was the kind of moderate guy and he talked about orgasms to me like he was talking about weather. his reactions and calmed features got me comfortable so now I know all I need to know about sex. and, get this: he actually told me this "I don't mind if you have sex now and you can come to me if you ever got pregnant so I can kick the boyfriend's ass for hurting my girl. but you know, take it from personal experience, sex is way better if you wait until marriage cuz you feel secured. that person swore he belonged to you forever and you can open anything to him"..

so actually, I don't see what's so big about talking sex to parents. they're cool if you act cool, you know...

[ali:)]

Well; I have talked to my mom for about 5 minutes about sex when I was like 9. Akward. Now I'm older and it would be uncomfortable. I don't want to ask her about anything to do with sex. I would talk to my sister, but.. Weird. I can only talk about boys and dating and drama. But I can talk to my closest friends about stuff like sex and girl stuff; It seems like they know all about it. It kindaa bothers me I can't ask her. I know she has answers to my questions; I just can't seem to talk to her.

[Drew]

I WISH I could. My mom and I are totally open with each other, but she says that if I have sex before I'm married she'll ground me so long I won't see daylight. And as for my dad...I just don't even mention one single sexual thing around him; it's so embarassing!

[Iorwen]

After reading all of this posts i can honestly believe that it's both our faults , its the fault of our parents and we have something to blame to...
some parents are trying so hard to make their children understand ...but some of them just aren’t ready to understand their concern bcuz they dont really know what is sex or they are having it but they don't believe that there is a risk to it, like stds and pregnency, i mean they know but i think that they dont really believe that is going to happen to them i mean i understand we are just teenagers and we think we are on the top of the world and when something like that happens we just dont want to believe it and we blame ourselves and get so mad that it clouds our vision and that's when things just starts to go wrong, We have to be responsible for our actions and our decisions and have little faith in what our parents are telling us.

I understand parents... i mean i do now, i see their concern but i think that they just dont have the tools to make their children trust in them, some of them explode and yell b cuz they dont know how to react and they are frustrated that they cant handle the situation properly and that makes them mad. Others I think that they are scared to talk about it b cuz they didn’t have any experience with their own folks and they think like … ohh ok… I turned out all right the school will teach them anything they need to know!. And other just don’t even have the time to talk about it

My mon died of cancer when i was little (14) and my dad had to go on a lot business trips to make money so he could pay the bills of the hospital. I've never had a sex talk with either of them but, i know its gonna sound like am making advertizing but am not, i had this web page and it did help me a lot, hell! i even bought the book! and i read all of the post made by other girls like you... and i decided to wait for the right person and luckily i found him and we are still together now am 22 and happy with my life even tho i miss my mom and i dont really know how she would react to the tought of me having sex with my boyfriend at 15 but... i didnt need my parents to make the right decition and this is for all of you girls out there you can make the right decition and take things slowly, sex is waayyyy better when youre in love (well not the first time i've never had good reviews on that part lol! Not even mine!) but my friends had sex with other guys before they foud "the one" and they say is not the same having sex than to make love.

well after all this reading what am trying to say is that you dont need your parents to make the right decision if they cant control the situation or they dont know how to reach you, you have the responsibility of making good decisions for your self I mean you are the one living your life and you are the one who have to live with those decisions. So next time think things trough and ask yourself, is this good for ME?

Thanks for reading, I really hope I helped you.
-Alex

[Regina]

My mom is okay-ly open with sex as a general topic. We're pretty liberal sometimes. But we never ever talk about sex as in me involving into it. She probably just assumes I respect my religion I was brought up into, but the truth is I'm just an agnostic and I'm pretty open to sex. I really want to tell my mom everything, but I never think its appropriate. My mom would disown me. Yeah. I just hope when she finds out, I'll already be out of the house...

[Sel]

This is something that hits quite close to home for me. Just recently had my first sexual encounter ,and little did I know how emotionally taxing these experiences get. That "relationship",if it could be called that,did not end well,and I sorely wish I could have told my Mom waht I'm going through.

It's never been easy to discuss much of anything with her,coz she wasn't around much when I was a child so I guess it just got easy for me never to discuss anything.

Parents,please be try to be open and sensitive to your children,no matter waht they have to say to you. It may be painful to hear but they would,deep in their hearts,want nothing else that to be completely open to you. Perhaps its just part of a parent's burden to make it easier for there to be open communication,but it shouldn't be impossible.

I did recently however admit that I had a broken heart,and my mother surprisingly had the most heartfelt and supportive advice to give. So it's also up to us children to meet with them halfway,I guess.

[Kaiti]

When I got the puberty talk, I'll admit, it was a little awkward. But now that I've actually formed opinions about what's going on with not only myself but with the people around me it has become amazingly easy to talk to my mom about sex and dating. It really ties into your family's tolerance of the fact that you will indeed grow up into, what they hope to be, a healthy adult who can make informative decisions on their own. Talking to, and being able to talk to, your parents about sex or any other subject is vital to you making the right decision for YOU. I am incredibly grateful that my mom has always remained open minded and willing to dicuss and explain various things to me. She has never once made me feel uncomfortable in any way or ashamed of inquiring about normal occurances that everyone at some point in time is going to have. She's also tried to relate some of her experiences, both good and bad, in the hopes that I'll have all the information needed to go in to any situation with my head held high. THANKS MOM!!

[Terry]

Young ladies, please talk to you parent(s) about sex. My daughter got pregnant at 14 - had an abortion then pregnant at 15 and now has a 20 month old son. I talked to her about her body changing, sex, etc. from age 6. I noticed a change in her at @14. A number of months later, she left a note in my pocketbook telling me she is pregnant. I don't know where I went wrong. I think her father not being about for a period of time left her vunerable and open.

[crystaleyes]

I feel sooooo embaressed when they subject even comes up on the TV! I can't even talk to my mom about it because it feels weird to me!

[Michelle]

I wish i could talk to my parents about sex. You see, my sister got pregnant in her senior year of high school, well,im in my senior year right now, and im kind of in lock down,i dont hate my sister for what she did. But my parents rusted her that she would make the right decision about sex, so they didnt really talk to her about it.They have never talked about it with me, they treat me like a child but they dont know that i know basically everything because of my nursing classes. I have to take care of elderly people, both sexes, so i have to know what the deal is with men, women ,everything. I also love gURL.com because they have information for anyone about anything.