how can i get the pill without my mom knowing?

Question: My boyfriend and I are thinking of having sex. However, I'm scared that I might become pregnant. We can use a condom but I'm not comfortable just using that. I am planning to go on birth control, but can I get the pill without my mom knowing?

Answer: Generally, yes. There is no law that requires a parent's permission for the pill or other birth control. But that doesn't mean that a doctor won't ask you for it. Nor does it mean that your confidentiality will always be respected.

It's really wise to get on a reliable form of birth control. Though I don't know your family, they might actually think so too. Often parents are a lot more understanding about things like birth control than teens expect. Of course, you know your mom, and you might have a really good reason for wanting to keep this quiet. If that's the case, it's good to know that you can.

Here are two key things to know:

1) Find out about your doctor's confidentiality policy. You can ask the receptionist when you make an appointment or you can ask your doctor herself. Be direct and explain that it is important that your information is not shared with your mom. If this seems like it might be a problem, consider going somewhere else.

2) Go to a clinic that you know maintains confidentiality. A good place to start is a place that receives money from something called Title X funding. Title X is a government program that pays for family planning services like pap smears, STD testing, and birth control. Anyone who receives Title X money must keep all patient information confidential, no matter how young a girl is. This means they can't tell your mom if you got the pill. You can find a Title X clinic near you through the website of the National Family Planning and Reproductive Health Association.

Got your own question for the expert? Send an email to feedback@gurl.com with the subject line: Question: sex ed blog.

Comments

[lorenajacquline]

hey, in 2 weeks in going to see my boyfriend...when im very close to him i get a lot of discharge..and i really hate it!!! and im also going to sleep with him--were not going to have sex or nothing--nothing..but just sleeoing together..can i get pregnant like dat? what can i do about my discharge? HELPA PLZ!!! ASAP!!!!

[anonymous]

I find it all really scary actually.
But when im older. more like 15 a year from now. I WANT to be on it. for precautions. but also abstinence would be best but sometimes mistakes are made.. and i wanna be careful .. my mom would freak out but how woul di go about telling her?

[Hannah]

what i dont understand is that teens dont understand bc when talking to their mom. she went through the same thing right?

[shay]

I heard that you get irregular periods, you gain lots of weight, and you get tons of hair on your lip when you go on the pill, is that true? I have enough of an issue with my weight and that really puts me off on the whole thing, but my mom already told me last year [I was 14] that if I decided to have sex, she wanted to know so she can get me on the pill. So I have no troubles with that. I refuse to have unprotected sex because my sister got pregnant at 15, which is the age I am now, and I got to watch her go through all of that so I'm definetely not going to get pregnant.

And is anyone here on the patch? I was kind of interested in that method but don't you have to have it in a certain area? I am trying to lose weight so I can be in a swim suit at some point this summer but if you're going to be able to see the patch while I'm in a swimsuit then I don't know..

[danielle]

My mom is really against birth control and when i asked for it she wouldnt let me get it...i ended up going to the open door clinic in my town wich provided free birth control and check up, my parents still dont know i am on it and its been 4 months i take it in the morning at about 7 so its really easy to hide it from them...if you are trying to figure out how to get bc for yourself try calling your clinic and asking questions they should give you a list of places you can go.

[Joanna]

i'm gonna ignore all the differing opinions on sex in general and just try to help girls who are looking into gettin on BC and dont know how they will pay for it.

i dont know about other states but i know in CA there is a program called Family PACT that, if you join, provides free BC [any kind], any kind of exams, and a bunch of other stuff that would otherwise be very expensive. I've changed methods 3 different times and haven't had to pay for any of it. If this exact program doesnt exist near you, look into something like it. try also looking up Planned Parenthood for more info.

[Acey-Leigh]

I am glad to see that this website is posting something that some girls need to see, but im also very distraught that they would basically say that its alright to have sex right now. I know my views are very unpopular these days, But Girls should still be at least considering marriage before sex. Sex is not a hobby, it is not fun time, and has nothing to do with TRUE love, and sex should not be taken lightly.

WOW...i just cant believe anyone would call a child an "accident". If you think you are old enough to have sex and mature enough than you are old enough and mature enough to have a child and take care of it without murdering it before birth (or after these days) and take care of it without giving it away- a child is a child, and if you want to be reckless and have sex with whatever moves like the rest of the teenage community, go ahead, but if you have a child, you have nobody to blame but yourself. People want all the fun without any of the responsibility.....

[atticusxamani]

Eh, Amanda made an error; the girl and her boyfriend WERE planning on using condoms.

Not sure why I needed to point that out, but yeah.

[kat]

I don't think that Amanda is saying that if you have sex, it makes you less of a person. I think what she means is that when you have sex at such a young age, there are consequences that many young people cannot handle. I believe in sex after marriage for two main reasons. My relationship with my boyfriend is not based on sex and I could not handle having a baby at 19. Those reasons are good enough for me. If a fourteen year old REALLY cannot wait to have sex and must do it, I think there's a problem.

[Stefanie]

To Amanda who says why doesn't this website, "teach these girls about valuing themselves and maybe even waiting to have sex. This is horrible!" I have a question for you, what about sex makes girls value themselves less? Inevitably most people will have sex at some point in their lives. Are you trying to say that everyone who has sex will value themselves less? Or just teenagers?

To me I think this is a bogus argument. I think what you're talking about is that some people get into bad relationships and then they get hurt. This can happen just as easily to an adult as it can to a teenager.

Falling in love is a risky business. Would you suggest no one fall in love because you might get hurt? I wouldn't. Self-esteem is something we should be teaching teens, but it has little to do with whether or not they have sex.

[bubbles.]

yeah it is rather embarrassing when you think to yourself and day yes i wanna tell my mom or parents that i wanna have sex and yes i think that you should know that you can say anything to them and they shouldnt react only becauuse you are being honest with them if you lie and suppose something happens to you like get pregnant, or get a sexual transmitted disease what would you tell your parents then.??so it makes sense just to be honest as you can be

[Cyndi]

You guys are freaking out. Im 19. Ive been on the pill since i was 16. My mom came to me and said if you're having sex i need to know so you can go on birth control. Two weeks later i went back to her and confessed. She literally said thank you god. She would rather me be on a pill and confess to her that i was having sex then not tell her and get pregnant. Your mom will not freak out like you think she will. You think she would rather you tell her and get protection or have you get pregnant at 16 and basically have to help you raise your child?

To answer a question at the top. My fiancee and I are both allergic to latex. We don't use condoms and for the past three years we've been okay. When i'm on my period week, I don't start it until that wednesday or thursday so if we decide to have sex while im on that week, he pulls out. Again im not recommending this, its just what we do. I'm not saying you SHOULD do it, but if you are going to make sure you take your pills EVERYDAY, right around the same time.

[STORI14]

I AM HAVIN SEX N I AM REALLY REALLY SCARED 2 TALL MY MOM...WE HAVE A REALLY GREAT CONNECTION MY MOM IS LIKE MY BESTFRIEND BUT I DON'T KNO HOW SHE WOULD GO ABOUT ME TELLIN HER ABOUT ME HAVIN SEX......I JUST MADE AM APPOINTMENT WITH MY DOCTOR N SHE IS GONNA PUT ME ON THE PEEL WITHOUT ANY1 KNOWING BUT ME N HER....YOU SHOULD GO 4 IT

[Amanda]

Are you seriously kidding me? While I understand it is important for kids to know that they can get birth control without a parent I have a few questions. Why arent you telling these girls about abstinence? What about all of the sexually transmitted diseases they can get? Condoms should be used any time you have sex because you can still get pregnant even with birth control. My god I really wonder what you all are teaching these kids! I am a 24 year old mother of a 1 year old daughter and can not fathom a website that doesnt teach these girls about valuing themselves and maybe even waiting to have sex. This is horrible!

[Meagan]

I'm having sex 2. I only had it once but I don't think my parents would let me get on the pill either. But sometimes you just have 2 do wat u have 2 do.

[Charmain]

My mom will not let me get the pill even though i told her i want it for cramps and pms but she says it will mess up my chances of having a baby when im older and i know when your 14 you can go to a doctor to get the pill without parental consent but i live outta town and how am i supposed to pay for the pill? im scared i will get pregnant if i dont have the pill and my parents dont even like me kissing boys so its hard to talk about sex with them when they act like having sex is gonna kill me bc i cud get STDs instuff

[Tyarra]

I honestly got to tell u that i can not talk to ny mother about birth control pills at all. U have to keep up with the colors and everything else that comes with the responseability of the pill that u r taking.

[KC]

I have been on birth control for a month, I am having sex with my boyfriend, and I want to stop using a condom because whenever we mess around without one it feels soo much better, is that safe? im on microgestin. I am just scared.

[Anna]

Claudia Valverde - Your friend is having you on. you can get pregnant within three weeks of going off the pill, IF that.

[gabby]

when i started having sex i had the same problem but then i realized i could fake having really ba periods. every week b4 my periods i would get rlly bitch and emotional like i would start crying for no reason. when she would coplain about it (like the 3rd period i faked this) i said "we'll its not my fault" so she said im taking u to an OBGYN. so after i went in (they make ur mom wait outside)i listed all of my "symtoms" to the doctor and se gave me the pill. i dnt recomemd keeping ur doctor in the dark if ur having sex. i plan on telling mine next time i c her.

[Celicia]

I went on BC to help with my period. That's all. I'm 18 and still ahve not had sex. Talk to your parents about it, it's not that embarrasing.

[Betty]

My friend, Raul told me that you need to be 18 to get birth control. That's why if I ever plan to have sex before then, he said he'd promise to get it for me (he's 19). He's such a good friend.

[marissa]

i've been on birthcontrol since november of 07. the only promblem i've had with birth contrl is thyat my sex drive isnt as intense as it used to be. i'm always more easily [excitable] when i'm using the inactive pills. i always wonder if its possible to get pregnant during that week of inactives, since my body no longer thinks its pregnant.

[Claudia Valverde]

my friend told me that when u take birth control that when u stop taking them its really hard to get pregnant in the future....well i want to get birthcontrol now but i want to have kids when im older too......(WAY OLDER) is this true????

and how can i get birth control pills for like cramps or something...im only 13 though??

[Brit]

I faked having terrible cramps during my periods so I am officially now on the pill to manage my periods. Mom took me to the doctor and knows.

[christina]

Take it form a student doctor. The problem is that you almost always need a pelvic exam to get birth controll pills. Planned Parenthood can give you some without a pevlic exam, although that is bad becae birth controll pills can mess with your blood pressure. Therefore, the safest bet is to have a pelvi exam. Secound problem is that you need insurance to go to a Doctors office otherwise it is expensive, and that is where the parents find out. Third problem is that again insurance helps pay for the pill, and otherwise they are expensive.

[no name disclosed]

It's awfuly decietful for teenage girls to get birth control without their parents knowledge.. Teenagers often think that they can do anything and what they think and feel, must be accomplished; the more mature ones, like me, realise how precocious those teenagers are.

[Mandy]

I completley understand wehre your coming from, because I dont feel like I can talk to my parents about sex or birth control either. I'm still a virgin, but me and my boyfriend have talked about having sex.

I think when the time comes I will just end up talking to my mom about it. I know it can be scary, but its better to tell her upfront than to have her find your pills a month later and having her know that you've went behind her back.

[hilly]

this doesnt work at all ahaha. my mom is dead set on NEVER letting me get on the pill and i hate it
i had HORRIBLE pms, i dont eat for days and i have horrible back pains and cramps
ill eventually just have to get someone to drive me to the clinic and get it.

i wish parents could be a bit more understanding. like what if i were to get raped or something or do some stupid stuff at a party, i dont want a child, not now.
ugh

[b]

I agree with Maria below. Most parents would be happy to know that you are trying to prevent an accident.

[Amy]

i know parents can get freaked out at times...my parents werent thrilled to hear that i have sex..but thats because i grew up in a very christian house hold...if you want to tell your
mom yours taking it...go with the obivious reason..

yaz...is said to help with PMS and cramping...let her know its becaue your tired of major pain and mood swings..if sex comes up just tell its not what she thinks...

[Maria]

I am wondering why you would want to keep this secret? I am 99% sure that would be good news to your mom! Think about it, she's a female, she's obviously had sex since she's had you, and she knows you have a boyfriend therefore knows the subject of sex comes up and maybe she thinks you both do the deed already. Well, let her know you're being responsible, thats a wonderful thing by the way! Most girls dont care about birth control, very good gURL!

[kenya]

i like that cause most girls wouldn't want to talk to their parents cause they'll tell everyone and some might be upset and wont understnd.

[Maya]

I bought the pill at a planned parenthood and my mom doesn't know. The hard part is taking it every night without my mom or my sister noticing haha..