atrophy

ever felt all alone? rachel has too.

view comic:
atrophy

art & story by:
rachel nabors

Comments

[Brandy Robinson]

I'm sort of anti-social, never really played much with people at recess in elementary school, pulled away myself from group activities at the age of 2, and I visit the library every day at lunch for high school. I've hated parties from the age of 3.

[maggie]

the sad thing is, i know exactly how this feels. as a middle schooler, i'm being abandoned by "friends" and forcing myself to smile. it hurts so much inside... i'm trying to stay strong and really hope for the best, though. i have a long and hopefully happy life ahead of me. people like this should realize they aren't alone, and should try to stay positive, even if it doesn't work.

[Michelle]

I know how it feels, in Elementary school I was kind of all alone, whenever we went out to recess and I would try and play with someone they told me that I wasn't playing, then I would hide on a hidden part of the playground until the teacher called us in, as I got older I didn't have any friends, some people said that they were my friends but they weren't, in my seven grade year I met my first best friend, but she was a grade a head of me, so in 8th grade I became alone again. When I entered high school again I became alone, then I met my second and third best friend, but I'm border line Autistic and have ADD so it wasn't easy for me but it's not so bad now.

[Katrina]

Gosh. This comic pretty much describes me. No friends, not intentions of trying anymore. Even my teachers at school know me as the quiet one. I was wishing for a happy ending on the comic, but I guess there really is none for this kinda stuff. :/

[depressed_gurl]

oops when i wrote that i meant that you guys commented on the COMIC not comment. sorry I'm really tired. my depression is keeping me up at night...crying...

[depressed_gurl]

wow...looking back to all the people that have commented on this comment makes me realize that im not alone. I am depressed and I feel like I can hardly bear it. I'm afraid that if I tell my parents they'll think I'm a reject. They pretty much think that already anways so I don't think it really matters. How did you guys cope? please help me...I'm on the verge of a breakdown.

[newsmile]

This comic was so poetic and real. I have felt this way so many times. I am in an up zone right now because I have the confidence that I locked inside myself so long ago. Finding the confidence is the cure for lonelyness. (sorry for spelling, i am so tired, I don't feel like looking the words up...)

[Jen]

thats how i feel sometimes.

[N/A]

1-12 sounds just like me i dnt care how social i am and how ppl i talk to i just feel that way.

[Nowhere]

I'm 36 years old and I STILL feel like this.

[mel]

that's how i feel.. how to get over this?

[Judy]

I could have wrote this! That is how close to my life this comic is.

[Cassandra]

To say that truth... that is how i feel. I don't have any friends anymore. So i'm almost always on my computer, writing, playing computer or video games or reading. It's the only i escape from the fact that i feel lonely and am alone. I have my family, but that's not the same. And i have a boyfriend whom i am seeing less and less of. So, this comic really did touch where it hurts.

[Joanie Dark]

Crap. Just...crap. *looks at my computer, Freddi, who I refer to as my best friend* That...really hit close to home. I don't want to sound like those emo kids who think that all the cheesy lyrics to their music are written just for them, but...this seems almost like a detailing of my life. *goes pale*

[Nekris]

I used to be like this. When I was three my mom started working, my brother was in school, and my dad worked too. I stayed at home with my grandma who slept most of the day. I remember reading all the time and playing with my stuffed animals. I really felt like they were the only ones that loved me, and now I still kinda do. I'm 15 and I'm opening up. I've made great friends and lost a few too. But I have learned the ones you loose, if you were close before, can always stay close. Sometimes I feel like I'm sinking deeper, but I know that even though I feel like it now, I know that someone will reach out and take my hand and help me back out. Thanks Rach for being real and not a fake like many people are these days. :)

[cool]

omg.. thats exactly how i feel.. ive been awy so long i get nervous around ppl and when i make good friends they do go away. :( and i do try to make new friends..so im just a loner most of the time

[Martie]

this is another reason why i love you rache!
You are so REAL!
You don't PRETEND you be a happy strong perfect person with the biggest self-esteam ever, you show that you have flaws and you ARE human.

[Elise]

It feels good knowing that i am not the only one with this problem, i only have had one best friend for about 6 years (and she moved away), and im 13, i pretty much try to lock myself from the world, and everyone trys to get me out, but the deep , dark, black hole inside me says to go away from everyone else. I walk past other girls and think about how i really never had friends. I had one best friend in 5th grade, but she abandoned me for the popular girls, and she forgot my 10th birthday. When she finnally relised that she missed it she called but i didn't answer it, what a friend she is. I no longer try to be happy anymore, im just failing more and more on my life. This comment says everything about me. I want to crush everyone that hurt me, on the outside im sad and depressed, but on the inside im angry and depressed. I can't see why people understand how it hurt the people near them. People need to forget about looks and concentrate on personalites. I hope someday, i might find love.

The world is ruining my life.

[Jenny]

wow... sometimes I feel like that, when I feel very alone and no one seems to know, and it's just such a patectic feeling. It's amazing how she can relate to it in this comix.

[Kat]

That was incredibly poetic and an amazing comic. I love how you can make both humorous and emotional, touching comics. I loved it.

[someone]

Somehow I take comfort in knowing that this isn't only my life story, this is the same for so many other girls...

Sad, because I'm only 12.

[Ash]

i've had maybe 3 or 4 friends.But i am going to 6th grade.I never had a friend since kindergarten

my life is pathetic

[Oasis]

Alex, it's not always that easy.
Some of us have a harder time finding the right words to say around people. Some of us are insecure about ourselfs and think that if we try to introduce ourselfs, they will reject us.
I know how she feels. You know those times when you feel stupid and embarrassed and wothless, like after being dumped? That's how some feel all the time.
I hope you understand her better.
Best of luck to anyone feeling this way <3
-Oa

[Hannah]

Rachel, I'm sure everyone feels that way at least once in their lives. I can honestly say that I know exactly how you feel. I feel like you just described my entire life in high school in that one comic.

Just a few months ago, I discovered that all of my friends were just poseurs. A closer friend kept warning me about them, but denial is such a strong feeling. Oh course, I can't call her much of a friend because she forgot about my 18th birthday last week.

I'm sorry, I must sound so bitter. I think winged was right, though. You are better off without fake friends.

Sometimes loneliness can be a good thing. I mean, some of the most powerful works of art are derived from feelings of despair, anger, and angst. I am an emotionalistic artist myself and I guess if it weren't for my "friends" I would have never made the fantastic art that came from my own hands.

Being lonely can get you to do things like motivate you to keep drawing and working hard. One of my philosophies is even when the harshest storm hangs over your head, eventually, the clouds will clear and you'll have your day in the sun. Keep hanging in there, Rachel.

[Alex]

STOP BEING SO DAMN DEPRESED!
Why not try talking to people every once and a while?
And where the hell is yr family?
talk to them?
jjjjjjeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuuzzzz
TALK TO SOMEBODY!

[Katherine]

i think............im going to...........cry....................

[Beliver]

I feel like this sometimes...like I'm fading into the shadows. I have friends, but when we talk, the conversation usually includes something that I can't relate to and I just become a 'thing' standing there. They don't even notice me when I walk away...I have 1 best friend but 'everyone' talks to her, even when I'm standing right next to her they ignore me. And that makes me wonder sometimes if she really needs me as a friend. I've been going to highschool for 4 years and half of them can't even spell my name... But recently, she comes to me with problems saying that I was the first one she could talk to about it. And that was my little bit of aceptance. :)

[kirbs]

Yeah. Very recently I started this blog on the subject of friends.
I have plenty to hang out with, they wronged my sister terribly wronged her just last week. So I have no desire lately to go hang out. Well.. my blog so far has been alot on the subject of friends. Check it out and leave comments if your interested. I am just now trying to figure out what it is I am feeling. Maybe you are feeling the same thing.

http://teenageopenheartsurgery.blogspot.com/

[babs]

at the risk of sounding stuck up, i am the opposite of this person. i have friends, mostly because i am outgoing. every time i see someone like this i try and be friendly, but in the end, its up to the person.

like "lyny" said, get involved with things related to your interests.
if you meet someone at one of these things, you already know that you have something in common!
be friends with people who are reliable but also value their independance, so that you have your own time as well.

good luck!! if you really want this, you can do it.

[lolita]

wow this is the most depressing thing ever. Sometimes I feel like this, like yesterday I was ridiculously bored and I'm like where the fuck are all my friends? So I was just about to go to the mall (by myself) to apply for jobs to keep myself busy during the summer because I don't have enough friends to keep myself occupied, when I texted this guy and I REALLY needed a place to go and I called up my "best friend" whose parents werent home and who was having a get together and was probably not going to tell me about it, and I basically forced her to let me over even though she was having this guy over because she wanted to like.. seduce him or some shit. So even with friends, you can be alone. That's why I'm so excited or college, it'll be totally different since every one will be doing their own thing.

[Pam]

Well, I used to think that way I used
to say that i was a loser and the
everyone hated me and that everyone
was avoiding me, but then I realized
that that because I wasnt opened I
wasnt doing something right and I was
looking for so much love from others
when I didnt even love myself! I need
to spend time alone to think about
these things and restart everything

But now I have friends and I love
my self and I
go places with my friends!

[Janelle]

A couple months ago I posted on this about how I felt the same. And I still do feel that way at times. But I have other friends who invite me places [i just dont like to go because i like being alone still]
But I have realized I am a loner, there is not denying that. I like to be alone it just makes me happy. But I do have friends [not many best friends]. I also have trust issuses so I dont tell people a lot of things just somethings. If they arent freaked out by that then I will continue to tell them things until they get freaked out and I wont talk to them as much. Or I just dont feel as close as I use to so I just stop talking to them for a while.
I still like being a loner though.
My best friend is also the guy I love and you know what? He still isn't even close to knowing all the crap im feeling. But I might let him know more...

[Elizabeth]

I am all alone, too. I have people to eat lunch with, people to talk to, but no best friend. VERY few people who are friends, but they are all either my sister's BEST friends, or people in my class. They have never been to my house. But it doesn't bother me as much as it does you. I AM a loner. I have trust issues, and there are many times I prefere to be alone. Though now I have a forum that I go to, and have a group of friends. You CAN'T fully trust someone on the internet, at least I can't, so that is no longer an issue.

[rachel]

it really scares me how much like my life this is, but scares me in a good way. the aftermath of my depression has left me feeling incredibly lonely. worse still, i've been like this, progressively getting worse for the past 4 years. i left school when i got depressed (those 4 years ago), and watched as i quickly lost contact with pretty much all my friends. it's amazing how easy that was, actually.. to just.. disappear. i had my friend who i'd been friends with since i was 12 get back into contact with me... and yet... i didn't feel as close to her as i could. and i mean ever since we first met. we're still 'friends' now, 'best friends' apparently. but she's self-aborbed and selfish, and at times just downright mean. the worst part is, i think i've hung onto her as my 'best friend' because she's all i've had. and i'm not even kidding. there is NO ONE else. the only thing i have that really keeps me sane is friends i've had online from the time i left school. there's a fair few i've stayed extremely good friends with, BEST friends in fact. these are people i hope to meet one day (plans are already underway for one ;] ). but other than that... i just go on everyday like this, alone in my room, on the computer. i feel pathetic; like a freak. and i don't have a job, so my mum's always hassling me about that. and yet, she doesn't seem to understand (as sympathetic as she can be) that i've forgotten how to interact with people. i get nervous, i clam up. when that happens, i just think 'well, i'm not meant to have friends i guess'. i just feel like everyone hates me, which is really, probably not true... but i can't help it. especially when people just don't act.. interested.

it's good to know others feel the same anyway. good to know that i'm not alone that way, but horrible that so many are going through this =,[ keep your heads high anyway. it'll get better eventually.

[insanityiscute]

i can relate 2 this. i get extremely lonely. almost as bad as in this comic. i dont feel like i'm decaying from the insiide out yet. but i'm stil really really lonely. i shouldnt be, i feel dumb for feeling like this. i have a bunch of bffs and finally a bf (: but wats the point if no1 answers? that's when the loneliness reall kicks in. i wonder if it has aything to do with being an only child... maybe. maybe not. all i'm saying is, i can relate...

[AmorMJ]

I was wondering... is this real? Do you really feel this way? Because you know you've always got your fans who would do anything to be your friend. Just saying just in case. :-)
We are with you Rachel, again, just in case.

[lyny]

okay.
so, i feel like this from time to time.
and i think everyone goes through this all the time.
i have friends that don't go to my school.
so i'm not like the girl in the comic, but sometimes i wish i was.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE OPPURTUNITIES AND CHANCES...if you want this to stop.
this usually happens when people have cliques and have known eachother for a bit or if you don't have this or that.
TRUST ME*
most popular people with all the goodies in life feel the same as you, and who would you really talk to personally when you have a whole crowd around you?

you have to find your own friends and don't start hanging out with the smokers and hoodies if that is not what you are interested in.

TAKE RISKS HONEY.
fuck your insecurites and what not,
make a list of all of your interests and see if your school or community center has anything like that going on.
GREAT WAY TO MAKE FRIENDS.

DOWN THE ROAD.
your going to meet real people and fake people.
and i know, i would talk to everyone and see if they would still treat me the same way outside of the classroom with their homies.

at assemblies sit at a spot that comforts you on the bleachers, don't sit next to a certain crowd, don't communicate with anyone until they communicate with you, that shows power girls!
if nobody sits next to you, cool.
be a leader not a follower.

and no matter what they wear or how many people they hang out with at lunch, be yourself.
don't be plastic.
be real with everyone.
and people will look up to you.

you won't be put into any category.
you will be __________.(your name)

_ lyny.

[lyny]

okay.
so, i feel like this all the time.
and i think everyone goes through this all the time.
i have friends that don't go to my school.
so i'm not like the girl in the comic, but sometimes i wish i was.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE OPPURTUNITIES AND CHANCES...if you want this to stop.
this usually happens when people have cliques and have known eachother for a bit or if you don't have this or that.
TRUST ME*
most popular people with all the goodies in life feel the same as you, and who would you really talk to personally when you have a whole crowd around you?

you have to find your own friends and don't start hanging out with the smokers and hoodies if that is not what you are interested in.

TAKE RISKS HONEY.
fuck your insecurites and what not,
make a list of all of your interests and see if your school or community center has anything like that going on.
GREAT WAY TO MAKE FRIENDS.

DOWN THE ROAD.
your going to meet real people and fake people.
and i know, i would talk to everyone and see if they would still treat me the same way outside of the classroom with their homies.

and no matter what they wear or how many people they hang out with at lunch, be yourself.
don't be plastic.
be real with everyone.
and people will look up to you.

you won't be put into any category.
you will be __________.(your name)

_ lyny.

[Twisted Plant]

that comic is so true,
at the moment i have friends.
but few years ago i changed school and i was an outkast.i finally found friends and then they left.
and it changed me. its really like in the picture 17 and 18."im nervous.i avoid other ppl"
I dont know how to talk to ppl anymore and i cant handel when somebodys nice to me.i can trust ppl anymore.
The worst thing is that i KNOW that im wrong and that they are ppl that like me and accept me,but im still so insecure and im always thinking that they talk bad about me or leave me in the end.

[Natasha]

This is my life exactly. I just feel so alone sometimes. The saddest result of my depression is my loss of motivation for school and for life. I want all the things other people have but then my brain automatically says 'what's the point?' My mom saved me from total depression. I still have thoughts about how alone I am and how pointless my life is, but I've actually started to have a little more faith in others. You have to remember that people do love you and that most people feel this way at some point in life. It can be hard but sometimes you need to talk just to hear yourself speak even if no one is listening because it does a lot of good for your sanity!!!

[claudia]

wow this is awsome, i feel the same way everyday specially at school and it's really painful to see how some people have really good friends to be with and im always alone .. i have friends but they're not close friends that i can talk to when i have a big problem or something, i see girls walking and calling each other bbf and i always get like..jealous i usually think *i wish i had a bff like them*, i just cant get along with people they all have friends and they dont worry about other people, at least now i know that im not the only one who feels this way.

[jfo]

This is one of the most amazing comics of Rachel's. I'm not 18 but I feel like I'm already going through this.
There are split seconds where I am genuinely happy with other people, but then I come back to that state where I feel out of place and find it harder to connect to people. There are people who seem to like me ok. But it's few. And I hate feeling so insecure and depressed, but it's practically impossible not to be and I find myself in a constant battle to be happy.
People need to wake up and really connect with people, and reach out to the people who are "outcast" cause they're the ones who need it most.

Yeah. But Rachel is a truly amazing artist, and seems like she has a very poetic soul and I admire that.

[Cotton1500]

This is so deep and amazing. Just because of this I am going to read 18 revolutions. I mean im not like this at all, but i touched me.

[Julie]

I really relate to this comic. I tried for so many years of my life to make friends, but it just never worked. I made acquaintances, but not really good friends. Now I just sit back and watch other people have friends. It kills me inside. It really hurts.
The worst part is when I casually mention that I don't have any friends in a conversation with someone and they REFUSE to believe me. They snap back and say that they are my friend, though they hardly ever speak to me unless I bother them first.
I haven't stopped caring, but I have stopped trying. I just wish this wasn't so painful.

[AWESOMENESS]

i thought this was me until today. I got a call from a friend who i don't hang out with as much. not like those bffs on tv, but i think we r turning into that bt idk i relate to this comic. i like it because at the end, she could have written her a new bff but she made it like real life

[moomoo]

this sounds a lot like me :(. my best friends are out of school so i barely see them. and everytime i see someone i think nice, i try to be friends with them, but they arent interested in more than a hello, and i feel like im nagging if i ask too much to hang out. i want friends so badly, i am a social girl like the girl in the comic, but i live like a loner.

[emilia]

This is such a sad and amazing comic. I've lived like this before, completely alone and an outcast, and it really hurts to think about that time even now. My life is so much better now - I have two best friends. (One I barely hang out with, but we've been through thick and thin together; the other one has a different girl she calls her best friend, but she's the first person I can ever remember truly being MYSELF around... it's amazing.)

Past that, I only have like two more friends who actually care about me. And my social life is almost nonexistent, so I still feel kind of alone sometimes. I get super jealous of the girls at my school who seem to have that whole tight-knit group thing going on, or are super popular. But hey, reading the comments here I realize that some of those girls might not be as happy as they seem. I'll try harder to be thankful for what I have.

[donnae]

i agree wit karen nd keep ur head up...i tried suicide so much timez but strangely it neva worked...den a gurl came nd was my frend nd believe or not she saved my lyf...we dont really talk any more but i believe people are in your life for a reason 2 help u get stronger den leave u wit wat u learned....i jus hope i can return the favor

[jenell]

i agree wit karen nd keep ur head up...i tried suicide so much timez but strangely it neva worked...den a gurl came nd was my frend nd believe or not she saved my lyf...we dont really talk any more but i believe people are in your life for a reason 2 help u get stronger den leave u wit wat u learned....i jus hope i can return the favor

[katie]

i pretty much feel like that everday of my life. people say that they are my friends, but i dont feel like they really are.